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Vytautas Mačerinis Pamišelio užrašai

mintys
Saulėgrąža

1.

Pamišėliu mane vadina žmonės,
Galbūt tikrai aš toks esu.
Iš paskutinės užjūrio kelionės
Grįžau liguistas kūnu ir protu.
Ir sako: aš tada dainavęs, šokęs,
Dažnai prapliupdavęs juoku.
Visiems keistai atrodęs mano šokis,
Žiūrėti buvę linksma ir graudu.
Mane sugavę, į namus nuvežę…
Pagydyti visai nebetikėję.
Aš vis kalbėjęs apie damą gražią,
Kilnesnę už hidalgo Dulcinėją,
Kuriai paskirsiąs rinkinį sonetų
Kaip padėką pamišusio poeto.

Šarnelė, 1944.I.10

2.

Aš ilgą laiką gyvenau pietuos
Kaip nuobodžiaujantis aristokratas.
Ten greitai dėl laikysenos taurios
Visi mane pamilo, prie manęs priprato.
Aš mėgau-gamtą, mokslą ir menus,
Rinktinių asmenų draugystę
Ir pokalby, palietęs klausimus painius,
Dažnai į metafiziką nuklysti.
Ir nors slaptai mane kankino liūdesys,
Vienatvės priepuoliai, nuobodulys,
Bet nesiguosdamas, kad man sunku,
Save papuošęs amžinu šypsniu,
Šaltai stebėjau žmones ir save
Nežinomo likimo žaidime.

Šarnelė, 1944.I.11

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